Gardenig in Jordan. Tips & Guides

EVEN AFTER 30ISH YEARS OF CLOSE ATTENTION to such matters, I have to say I am still surprised how many things in the garden make it year after year, seemingly in spite of the forces at work that would try to make it otherwise. Apparently Andre Jordan the Doodler is also increasingly aware of just how heroic plants are.

THIS LITTLE-KNOWN SPECIES (apparently first discovered and named by famed British plant explorer Andre Jordan) reminds me of all the plants I used to bid on at rare-plant auctions. The thinking always seemed to be that the harder it was to grow, the more valuable it was–and up went the bids, sky-high.

HO, HO, HO and all kinds of other holiday cheer from me and Andre Jordan and the Anti-Defamation League of Garden Gnomes (of which he is honorary chairman, I believe). Don’t forget to be kind to them and all the garden’s creatures.

APPARENTLY ANDRE HAS BEEN LURKING in the complaint department, where I admitted my loathing for dyed mulch (among other garden products that should not have been invented).

D O THE ‘ORNAMENTAL’ PLANTS HAVE A CRUEL CASTE SYSTEM like some people do; do they really notice when “weeds” move in among them or is every plant born equal? I wonder. So, apparently, does Andre Jordan the doodler; or at least he wonders what the human neighbors will think if we’ve slacked a bit, if not literally wondering what’s on the minds of the intended garden plants.

IT’S NO WONDER WE’VE ALL BEEN INCHING CLOSER to a prostrate position lately, with days shrinking steadily like the water level in a leaky pail. But take heed: The hole in the bucket’s been mended; happy solstice! Get up off the floor and do a little dance, won’t you? Brighter days lie just ahead.

WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON OUT THERE IN NEBRASKA with our favorite newlyweds, Andre Jordan and his bride, The Newly Mrs. Jordan? Actually, I know that only good things are happening (including just acquiring their very own backyard to dig holes in!); sometimes a doodle is just a doodle, people.

I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE ONLY THING that tears through my fence is the occasional bear. Apparently Andre Jordan has forgotten evidence of that invasion.

HOW MANY MOMENTS LIKE THIS have we each had in our gardening lives? Moments when the mulch, just applied, by the next morning has run out of the beds and downhill after a flash storm, or the lawn we’d just cleared of winter’s debris is re-covered in it a day later when another swirling snow blows in. Moments when (fill in the blank with your latest mishap).

ITHINK MUCH OF THE NATION WILL IDENTIFY with this week’s exhausted utterance from our belovedAndre Jordan, one of millions of Americans who have been roasting, along with their gardens, for an impossibly long spell. “Today seems (so far) to be the first day that it is not going to hit 100 plus,” Andre wrote to me this morning, as if dipping below 100 was something to celebrate.

LATELY, LIKE THE SOUTH DAKOTA BIRD in Andre Jordan‘s new backyard, I’ve been shopping the Oh-So-Sensible Shoe Department of the local Farm and Feed Store, but I remember days when I wasn’t such a smart old bird. Make mine super-insulated, high-traction clodhoppers, please.

FETISHES COME IN ALL DIMENSIONS AND DESCRIPTIONS, and Andre’s is shaped like a shed–a very unusual shed. My only questions: Where’s the deer-preventing moat; does it come with an army of serfs who mow and weed, and is there a dungeon for plants that prove to be thugs?

PROMISES, PROMISES. Who–even with the best intentions and a lot of sprinklers and hoses–can keep them when the weather is like it is in so many spots nationwide? Andre Jordan, our favorite doodler, wrote this week to say it was 124 degrees at his place, and I thought: No wonder those peonies are dead.

TALK ABOUT THE UNWELCOME WAGON! Bearers of bad tidings like this beware: Loving parents don’t like hearing that their kids are running wild, and especially not from the neighbors, “sorry.” This latest weekly utterance from Andre Jordan reminds me of another doodled pair of boots altogether (not the remarkably similar ones worn by the plant police above).

CONSIDER THE LIFE OF A SELF-SOWN like Nicotiana, which deposits a prodigious crop of potential offspring year to year but simply cannot guarantee what those kids will look like.

I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN pack enough summer into jars to get me through the dark days, or at least I’m trying. What’s your tactic for pretending the days aren’t getting shorter fast? (Thanks to dear Andre Jordan for his wealth of garden doodles.)

I‘M WORKING ON RESTRAINT over here, trying not to order every single thing I scribbled on catalog covers and Post-it’s I stuck all over them the last two weeks as I browsed hungrily on the first pass.

“They are currently my garden chores–doing the washing,” says the Sub Zero Doodler. “Frankly your garden chores are pointless here in -20 Madison. It is too bloody cold to do anything else than the wash.”So noted.Spin cycle, anyone? Or are we feeling delicate, perhaps? (I’m fairly certain a cold-water wash will not be tolerated.)Tagsandre jordan

THIS ISN’T JUST LOW-TECH, IT’S SLOW-TECH. Even with my old gas-powered push mower (emphasis on “push” on this hilly terrain) and the tractor for the outermost areas, I’m clocking a minimum of 45 minutes a day and not keeping up.

IT FEELS LONELY IN HERE, or at least it will by the end of the week when the last of the children (some larger than I am) are all outdoors at summer camp. You’re absolutely right, Andre Jordan; it’s a bit of a shock and will take some getting used to.

Simply comment below, telling us what aspect of Andre’s work touches you (naughty? nice? wacky? wonderful?–use your own words). If you’re not sure, review all his doodles (!!!!) at this link.As the holiday weekend ends at midnight Monday, May 31, I’ll select three winners at random using random.org’s random-number selector.By the way, Andre’s wife, Mrs. Andre, says this doodle would make the nicest wallpaper, and she is just exactly right. Oh happy day! (Which see, below. Or more precisely, which hear.)Tagsandre jordan

NOT ME, NOPE. ‘I DEFINITELY WON’T DO THAT AGAIN.’ Find yourself saying any such thing as the new year dawned? Someone in A Way to Garden’s South Dakota office apparently did.

COLD MAY TAKE DOWN MANY GARDEN PLANTS the next days and weeks, but don’t be fooled by weeds that pretend to close up shop. Master doodler Andre Jordan isn’t, and neither am I.

DO WE GARDENERS REALLY THINK THE PLANTS believe us when we say, “This won’t hurt a bit” or, “It’s for your own good”? If deadheading were really for their benefit, wouldn’t they do it themselves? This is not the first time our Andre Jordan has doodled on the subject–though the last was more a stealth mission, under cover of darkness, remember? Let me remind you:

IAM NOT SURE ALL MY PLANTS GOT THE ORDER in time, because some of the opposing forces seem to have found their targets and chewed, felled or otherwise savaged more than a few things around here.

NEED I SAY MORE? (Oh wait, I already did.) Thanks, dear doodling Andre Jordan, for taking my calls lately. A girl needs a Complaint Dep’t. 24/7/365 these up-and-down days, it seems.

I HAVE ISSUES with mulch–and what is, and is not, qualified to be used as this most important of all garden “tools.” Yes, I am fussy on this score, very fussy–as doodler Andre Jordan knows. Want to know just how fussy? My popular Mulch FAQ Page will answer that (and all your mulching questions, from which material to how deep to apply it and much, much more).

AFTER WINTER SPENT UNCEREMONIOUSLY IN HEFTY BAGS IN THE BASEMENT, the non-hardy bulbs at my place are striking up a chorus of Elvis’s “Love Me Tender,” trying to get through to me that they want a kinder, gentler life than the one I offer here at A Way to Garden.

NOBODY TUCKED ME IN THE SHED, but even so, I’m starting to get bored like the gnome in doodler Andre Jordan‘s cartoon. It’s been mostly neither here-nor-there weather so far locally, but here comes a good, stiff chill period.

THERE HE GOES AGAIN WITH THAT ACCENT. Welcome back from your travels,dear imported Andre Jordan, English accent and all; and thanks for bringing a flowering branch (get it: branch?) of the Royal Family with you to pass judgment on the lowliest of creatures.

CLEARLY THIS PERSON needs a 12-Step program, and right now (I’ll post the address and time of the meetings for the rest of us, too, promise). And by the way, dear Andre Jordan, my friend: Is the woman in this week’s illustration a nail-biter? Those fingers of hers are, well, missing.

AFTER HAULING IN A TRULY GIANT pot of Farfugium (a.k.a. Ligularia) before the snow last night, it’s now official: I had to post a “no vacancy” sign here, too.

LAST NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO DO MY DAILY DOSE of mowing, I noticed that the gas can is almost empty, dear Andre Jordan.

IT’S THE BEST PART OF THE HIGH-SUMMER GARDEN: being surrounded by a frenzy of buzzing from bees and hummingbirds stocking up on resources before things wind down.

IDON’T THINK THIS DOODLE by the inspirational and eccentric Andre Jordan needs much explanation, except perhaps to say that the only creature not in line for legumes like peas and beans here this year at my seasonal supermarket/vegetable garden has been Margaret. Sigh.

EVERY SECOND OR THIRD DAWN, as soon as it’s light enough to see, I put on my boots and fill the seed bucket and head out to re-stock the birdfeeders. On many winter mornings, I use same footprints in the snow I used on the last roundtrip–just like in Andre Jordan‘s doodle.