doodle by andre: it’s so regrettable

HE READ IT IN MY DECEMBER CHORES LIST: Make the last mowing before winter a short cut, way down low. And even though the snow fell before he got to that task, the guy in the doodle (is that you, Andre Jordan?) didn’t want to skip a single to-do I’d suggested, apparently.

I KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT DIBBERS, and this one looks perfectly fine to me. Not sure what master doodler Andre Jordan, our Thursday columnist, is talking about.

WHY AREN”T MY BULBS BLOOMING? Andre the Doodler asked, and (being the sometimes-oblivious type that I am) I said “They can really get exhausted.” Um, yup, apparently literally so, poor dears, or so it sounded to him. All that fighting the big old tree roots for food and water and craning your necks for a bit of sunlight will really do you in.

APPARENTLY MRS. ANDRE’S TOMATOES succumbed to “tiny insect things that will not leave our garden alone,” we hear this week from Himself, who very sweetly shared the actual sympathy postcard he drew for Herself on the occasion of her lost tomatoes.

I AFFECTIONATELY CALLED ANDRE JORDAN A BIRD OF A FEATHER last Thursday, when his new weekly doodle debuted here. Apparently this is the migratory Englishman-turned-Nebraskan’s response.

SHE LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME NOT.Andre Jordan seems to keep hoping for the best, despite a few well-documented cases of rejection (as in, loc. cit., The Girl I Love With All My Heart. Caveat emptor: Deliciously not PG!).

No, I have still not met Andre, though we’ve been in contact for more than a year. But we grow a little closer every week when the latest stash of doodles-in-progress arrives, and I get glimmers into the thought process that is behind them, just like I did when I read his memoir, “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now.” (There is no better book to give your shrink; it should be on the curriculum of psychoanalytic institutes and departments of psychiatry in teaching hospitals and schools of social work, I swear. Insurance companies should mail it out to all patients using mental-health coverage, so they know they are not alone.) Some week

ANDRE THE DOODLER IS ALLOWED TO PUT DOWN HIS PEN every now and again, and this is one of those weeks. If you can’t live without your weekly Andre fix, try browsing through the image-driven archive of every last doodle he’s created here in the last two years.

LAST WEEK, SOME PLANTS TURNED UP DEAD. A week earlier, there was an incident involving a gun.

NOTE TO SELF: NEED MORE OF FOLLOWING–Abies, Bacopa, Canna, Dicentra, Epimedium, Fagus, Galanthus, Helianthus, Ilex, Juniperus, Knautia, Laburnum, Miscanthus, Nicotiana, Ophiopogon, Physocarpus, Quercus, Rhus, Salix, Trillium, Uvularia, Viburnum, Woodsia, Xanthosoma, Yucca, Zinnia. Enough said.

“And so I said very little,” his email continued, “and hoped (as I tend to do with my more serious doodles about depression) that people such as yourself would understand the enormous thing I did not try to say. If that makes sense?“I shall get back to my slightly passive aggressive doodling now. Ha. I am currently drawing a ladies bottom. I am as yet unsure how this will eventually become a garden doodle.”Stay tuned, dear readers. Next week promises to be a doozy. (I love my Andre emails almost as much as my Andre doodles, frankly. Well, except ones like this Quantum Physics Diagram, which actually does relate to gardening…and about 500 others.)Thanks for being Andre, Andre. And yes, of course it mak

THANK GOODNESS WE HAVE ANDRE JORDAN to warn us of the dangers all around us in this hazardous hobby of ours. I confess that even though I tried to exhibit restraint in this year’s seed orders, a few extra things have found their way into my stash.